The
morning that I write this, I woke early thinking of how I would shape my talk on Henri Nouwen in Seattle this coming Friday. Some of my best ideas come to me
in the middle of the night or early in the morning. Then it occurred to me that
a friend, J. Marshall Jenkins, and the Dalai Lama were downstairs awaiting me
for morning prayers. As I sometimes do, I got up at 5 a.m. to enjoy an entire
hour alone with them, my thoughts, and hopefully with God. With coffee, of
course.
It
pleasantly reminded me of my visits to Mt. Calvary Retreat House in Santa
Barbara, arising in the darkness, picking up a cup of coffee in the coffee
room, and finding a nook or cranny or outside space to think, read, or pray—a memory
reinforced when our dog came downstairs and I took her out for her morning necessaries
and I saw a bright full moon and a handful of visible planets and stars—a
contrast to the abundance of planets and stars in the night sky over Santa
Barbara, but wondrous nonetheless. I picked up The New York Times in our driveway, remembering today was Science
day, being a Tuesday, with its special science section.
And
I realized my thrill—no doubt partly induced by my half-decaf coffee—was due to
the magic of words. Thinking of Nouwen’s words and how my words might
characterize them; anticipating Marshall’s words in his book, A Wakeful Faith: Spiritual Practice in the Real World, with which I’ve been doing a kind of lectio divina for a number of weeks, and my newly acquired book by
his holiness the Dalai Lama, The Universe
in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality, experiencing
both challenges and agreement in each; looking forward to reading the morning
paper; and finally, eager to sit here writing this post and soon my Nouwen
lecture.
I
was so giddy by the time I concluded with the Lord’s prayer, I could hardly
contain myself! Those of you who are not
morning people may be rolling your eyes right now, and believe me, I do
restrain myself when Wade comes down for breakfast before going off to the office.
As
if to sober me up, I happened onto a review of a novel by Bruce Wagner, who last
year wrote of the “depravity” of Los Angeles in Dead Stars, and now apparently finds among “Buddhists, gurus and
spiritual pilgrims” similar “narcissism, self-aggrandizement and the ravenous
appetite for fame and renown” in The
Empty Chair.
I
gave myself up to a moment of self-doubt about why I write this blog, and in my
younger years, this might have stopped me cold. But older, I have realized that
everything we/I do is prompted partly by ego—how we view ourselves and how we
think other people view us—and our need to be heard. In fact, one entry in psychologist
and pastoral counselor Marshall Jenkins’s book confirms this: “What we think
others think of us—or what we think they would think of us if they really knew
us—shapes our self-concept.”
Too
many of us are derailed by the snarky and sometimes jealous comments of others,
those Henri Nouwen describes as trying to hook you in your wounds “to dismiss
what God, through you, is saying to them.”
For
me, the magic of words is that they engage me in a community of many voices,
some uplifting and affirming, some challenging and humbling, even when I am
alone.
Related post:
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Thanks, Chris. words do have so much power these days. I guess,always. I try to imagine if i had to convey everything i thought important without words. What you said about what others think hit me hard cuz they can be a tyranny to me due to the expectations i infer from them. Sure makes me think about the words i use. Meditation times are vital. And thanks for the reference to Dali Lama's book. My brother is trying to make sense of convergence of science and spirituality. He so wants or needs spirituality to be something he can prove and show proofs like science. ah. we are all on journey. I arrived at journey early on thanks to you know what.
ReplyDeleteVery nice reflection that resonates very strongly with me. As you will note, I've cited it on my Facebook page along with Richard Rohr's meditation for today.
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