This
past Thanksgiving weekend was largely given up to work around a friend with
mental health and addiction issues. As I considered writing about this, I found
myself getting angry, given that every day of the weekend—Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, and Sunday—was largely given over (by multiple people) to attending
to this person, one way or the other.
The crescendo of my anger came as I thought of entitling
this post, “You Probably Think This Post Is about You,” alluding to the song
lyrics, “you’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.” And here I
was again, in writing this blogpost, devoting time to the individual in
question.
But I realize I am not writing this for that person, but for
you, the reader who has, has had, or will have the experience. And for those
who think a minister or a friend should not have anger about a loved one with
mental health and addiction issues: I daresay you have not yet had the
experience yourself. Anger is good for boundaries, for setting limits, for
speaking truth to the power of demons overtaking another’s life and those who
care.
Jesus himself rebuked crippling demons, disbelieving doubters,
even his disciples when they got stupid in his presence.
The friend I write about is the same for whom we held out such
optimism upon entering a recovery facility in March of 2016 in a post entitled,
“Wounding God.” Despite everyone important to this individual participating in
the recovery process at this person’s request, our friend eventually bolted
when challenged by a counselor in a group setting. It happened the night I was attending
a wedding rehearsal and dinner, and I was on the phone with our friend, who
was still in the parking lot of the recovery facility. I urged a return to the
group to no avail.
Since then have come many a reconciliation followed by
reversals and “episodes,” some of which have been threatening, dangerous, or destructive.
An otherwise privileged, well-educated, and gifted person “acting out.”
I
believe our friend must exercise responsibility to take prescribed meds, attend
therapy, and participate in recovery programs, but there is a factor I’ve
observed that may weaken our friend’s resolve. When involved in a restrictive
religious environment, everything could be held together tightly, including
sexuality. But finally realizing that one can be gay and Christian, all the
religious trappings that held everything closely bound together were loosened.
Our
friend’s obsessive-compulsive disorder no doubt meshed with a church’s
obsessive-Christian disorder, but sexuality, like spirituality, needs room to
breathe.
Jesus’ friend Lazarus was neatly bound in funeral swaddling
cloths. “Unbind him and let him go,” Jesus commanded. Resurrection requires loosening
up, letting go.
The
very term religion denotes being bound. But the only thing that should bind
Christians is expressed in a song I alluded to in last week’s post:
Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love.
To my friends in Southern
California, please attend Pat Hoffman’s latest book launch Friday, Nov 30, 5:30
pm, in the Pavilion at the Museum of Ventura County, 100 East Main Street,
Ventura, CA 93001. The memoir recounts her ministry of accompaniment with people
living with AIDS. My blurb for her book, entitled Summoned and Shaped:
“When the church
equivocated in the early years of the AIDS crisis, Pat Hoffman boldly initiated
a ministry with persons with AIDS, many of whom were wary of anything
religious. This moving and poignant story of how her own life prepared her to
gently join them on their journey may help all of us who serve the ‘spiritual
but not religious.’”
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Copyright © 2018 by Chris R. Glaser.
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